Sugar Cookies and Blackmail
by Chel Bel
Summary: Malink. Rated for language. Oh dear, Malon's found a picture! And she's using it as blackmail against Link. What could happen? She also seems to have an unhealthy obsession with sugar cookies... Just a cute oneshot done in my spare time. Review!


And yet another one-shot! I'm sorry; the idea for this was just too cute! I hope you guys like it and I **will** be updating my other story err… soon --;

**Sugar Cookies and Black Mail**

"Mmm… cookies Link, I make you jealous, no?" Malon smiled as she waved around three other cookies she had made in front of Link's face, trying her hardest to make him jealous.

"Malon, don't you have anything else to do in your spare time, like maybe helping me?" Malon smiled craftily, giving Link that "Oh please" look.

"Now Link, you don't expect a girl of my charm to actually assist you in shoveling that… erm… green, slimy stuff, whatever it is do you?"

"Well you would be if you hadn't taken that picture you know!" He snapped back, annoyed. Malon laughed shrilly, knowing exactly what he was talking about. It was a hot summer day in Hyrule. Most would be indoors, cursing the weather, for there was almost no place you could go for shade in this heat. But not Malon. No, no not Malon, for she was doing her best to try and torture Link by making him do all of her various chores of the day. Why was she doing this you ask? Because our beautiful, brilliant minded Malon had found blackmail.

"Link please, quit your complaining and just get in over with. You know we wouldn't want to get this in the paper now would we?" She responded waving around the picture in his face. Link groaned in response. The damn girl was just too clever. But it was his fault also, he had been the one that had done it… he knew that had been a dare he should never have taken. But why? Why did the blasted girl have to be there when he had been completing this dare? And why had she had a pictograph? He sighed, and resumed his shoveling duty, resisting the urge to throw the shovel at Malon as she walked away.

He was going to be here for a long time.

---

Malon slowly flipped the pages of her favorite book, becoming enveloped in its wonder. Romance. She absolutely loved reading about it. It always gave her a warm, fuzzy feeling inside that she just couldn't get enough of. Just the feeling of wondering what would happen in the end, who would end up with whom and if they would live happily ever after or never get to be happy. As she turned the page she thought aloud, "I wonder what's gonna happen with Ben and Mary…"

KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK!

She groaned, frustrated, she hadn't even been able to finish the page she was on.

"Just when I was getting to the best part… Who is it and what do you want?"

"It is I your highness, coming to ask you of what you would like me to do next." She grinned, setting down her book and going to the door, not surprised at all to be greeted by the annoyed face of Link. She smiled wickedly at him. "I see you're here to get assigned to your next chore, correct?" She could already see the irritation settling on Link's handsome features, but his answer was not what she had been expecting.

"Of course your highness, anything for you." He did a small bow to accompany his words, though the displeasure on his face was still visible. Malon became slightly set back but thought of it as no big deal.

"All right then, next your going to make my dinner, and then I have something else more exciting for you to do." She smiled sweetly at him, and quicker than you can say tuna his calm, cool demeanor had faded away. He groaned. "Malon, you know I can't cook for beans! I'll burn the house down!" Malon only grinned.

"Dear Link, I suggest you reconsider that theory, for if you do burn down the house, than you'll have to build it back up again. And I'm very sure you don't want to do that!" She smiled at him, pinching his cheeks as she walked away.

"Damn fucking woman…"

"I heard that Link!" Link barely saw the pot before it hit him square in the face.

"WHAT THE—"

---

Somewhere in Hyrule Field a cow goes "MOOOOO!"

---

**Malon's house…**

Malon looked at Link in awe, "Wow Link, I never knew how many swear words you knew! Too bad I don't care. No get to making dinner, I want sugar cookies! Chop, chop, you're wasting my time!" Link glared at her.

"Geez Malon! Did you have to throw the pot? And what do you mean sugar cookies, you want them for dinner? Aren't you supposed to be watching your weight like all the other girls are?" Malon growled. That was not a good thing.

"WHAT DO YOU MEAN I'M SUPPOSED TO BE WATCHING MY WEIGHT? ARE YOU CALLING ME FAT?!!! I'LL EAT WHAT I WANT TO, AND YOU BETTER MAKE ME SUGAR COOKIES NOW!!!!" Link swallowed nervously and slowly backed away towards the stove.

"Y-yes ma'am." Malon grinned like a lion that had just won a fight. She then picked up her book and proceeded in reading.

---

"… What in the hell… you call _those_ sugar cookies?" Malon was beginning to look sick as she examined the "sugar cookies" Link had on the tray before her.

"Um… I guess they were in a little too long and got a little erm…burnt…" Link explained, thoughtfully. Malon looked up at him with an unreadable sort of expression on her face.

"A little burnt? A little burnt! Link I have never seen a cookie that looks as black as that in my life! They might as well be rocks!" Link shrugged.

"Care to try one?"

"No way! Those things could bore a hole through the floor!" Link let out an exasperated sigh.

"Malon you're exaggerating."

"No I'm not! I'll prove it!" Taking one of the cookies she stood up and dropped it.

CRACK! CRASH! BOOM!

"…Oh shit…" Malon looked at the newly created hole in the floor she had just made. She had been expecting the… erm, cookie to crack the floor a little… not actually make a hole in it…

"Uh… sorry about that Mal…" Link said sheepishly. Malon sighed, and there was silence. Awkward. She then looked up at him with what he would call evil in her eyes.

"Malon… what are you thinking?"

"Oh, nothing, just what your next task will be. But for now I want you to read to me from… this book." She grabbed the book she had been reading and shoved it in his face, as he groaned.

"'The Stolen Heart'… this isn't some cheesy romance book is it?" She glared defensively at him.

"And what's wrong with romance?" The fire in her eyes told him that he should probably just go through with it. He sighed deeply.

"Sit." He commanded, and surprisingly she did so without a complaint. He began to read:

_"And so Ben began to pour his heart out to her, "My dearest love, you are my sunshine in the rain, you make me happy to be alive every single day. I am always delighted to be in your presence and I feel as if I could get every single thing in the world and not be happy if you aren't with me. Dear love I dream about us every single day and think, if you weren't with me I might as well whither away. Please, I want you… I need you to come with me. Stand by my side forever.""_

Geez, what the hell was this crap. There was no way that any true man would ever say anything like that… but Malon seemed to be enjoying it. He read on:

"_Mary was at a loss of words, she had never heard Ben speak like this before. What could she do? What could she say? She just couldn't believe her ears. "Ben I… I… I don't know what to say. I think—"_

_"That's just it my dear," Ben interrupted her, "Don't think. Only follow your heart. I know you want to do this." Mary didn't look so sure, but took a slender finger and touched Ben's face gently with it. She then leaned forward and—"_

Link paused as he felt a soft touch on his shoulder, and glanced down to see Malon lying on it. He paused, slightly surprised as she seemed to be in some sort of daze, unknowing of her own actions.

"Um… Malon?" Immediately she came back to her senses, blushing as she realized what she had been doing. _'Geez, where did that come from? What was I thinking?'_ She quickly arose from the seat, and looked at Link.

"I-I'm sorry, um I'll be back later. Bye!" She then rushed upstairs to her bedroom, leaving Link confused. He shrugged, tossing the book on the floor and laying out on the couch for some much needed rest.

---

Malon sighed sleepily, as she slowly walked down stairs, still in her pajamas. She swore it was two in the morning. What could have woke her up so early? She _thought_ she had heard a sound, but it was probably just her imagination. Then something alarming caught her at full surprise. She stopped, picking up the nearest thing she could find, a vase, and slowly she aimed. Where was it? She knew something in here had moved. Ah, there it was.

Ready… Set… FIRE! She threw the vase, and she heard it hit something. And she heard a scream. She suddenly gasped. Had she just thrown it at who she thought she did…? There was a long silence, then,

"Ow… That hurt." She'd know that voice from anywhere.

"…Link? What are you doing in my house?" He groaned.

"I should be the one asking the questions. What'd you throw the vase for?"

She smirked, placing her hands on her hips. "Well I thought there was a robber in my house. What else did you expect me to do? Let them take what they wanted?" He chuckled lightly.

"Believe me Malon, no robber would even dare to step foot in _your_ house." She smiled knowingly then strolled over to the couch, flopping down on it and glancing at Link out of the corner of her eye. "So Link, what are you still doing in my house?" He yawned sleepily then went over to the couch and sat down beside her. He glanced at her for a moment then shrugged. "After you ran off yesterday I began to get tired and I guess I just fell asleep."

"Oh…" she blushed slightly and turned to look at him, beginning to blush even more, "Hey Link… do you think… do you think you could do a quick favor for me?" Link perked up and looked at her oddly. He knew he shouldn't have wondered why she wanted him to do a favor for her since she did have blackmail… which he'd rather not think about right now, but why was she so hesitant about it and was she… blushing? Oh god…

"What favor?" He wasn't exactly sure he wanted to know…

"Well, um…" She looked at him and leaned in closer to him, so that their faces were nearly touching, "I know you probably don't want to, but I… I think it would be good for both of us to…"

"Malon what is it you want me to do for you?" He slowly leaned away from her, was she going to do what he thought…

"Look Link I just really want you to… make me sugar cookies…"

… Link fell over.

"WADDA'YA MEAN YOU WANT ME TO MAKE YOU SUGAR COOKIES?!"

"Well, its not impossible is it?" She asked quietly.

"Malon are you sure you want me to make cookies that bore holes through your floor? I mean come on you can make better sugar cookies than me."

"And that's exactly why I'm helping you." Link looked at her strangely.

"Your actually helping me with something, rather than making me do it all by myself?" Malon nodded.

"I'm not as evil as I seem you know. Besides you get a special surprise at the end."

"A 'special surprise'?"

"Yes, very, very special." She smiled widely, with a cute kind of look in her eye.

"Mm, I'd like to know what this very special surprise is you know."

She chuckled. "Oh, I don't know. How about something like… a kiss?" He laughed.

"Yeah right, you would never have the guts to kiss a sexy beast like me!" She glared playfully at him.

"I know you're not calling **me** a wimp Fairy Boy!" Link rolled his eyes; Malon could be so fun to joke around with at times.

"Of course not Malon. I just don't believe you have the guts to do it."

She did a fake gasp. "So then you are calling me a wimp! I'm so hurt!"

"Oh, its all right," he said turning to look at her, "Just because I don't believe you doesn't mean anything." He smiled, and she smiled back.

"Oh really? Well then, believe this!" She leaned forward.

"Mmpf!" …A smell. A sweet one. A touch. A soft one.

Link was shocked and almost couldn't say anything. He slowly watched as Malon leaned back, cheeks flushed from the kiss she had just given him and stared at her. Wow…

Malon smiled sweetly at Link, almost as though nothing had happened. When she saw the shocked look on his face she laughed wholeheartedly. She swore if she had her pictograph right about now…

"So… you believe me now… don't you?" Malon inquired sweetly, giving him an absolutely adorable look. To her surprise Link slowly smiled, and grabbed her wrist. She felt herself blushing slightly as he moved his face closer to hers.

"Yeah, I believe you now," he moved even closer, "but I also believe," his face was nearly touching hers, "that I can do _way_ better than you." He gently slid his finger over her lips and finally closed the gap between his and Malon's face. As she slowly took all of this in she kissed him back, placing her hand on his chest. He responded by placing an affectionate hand on her face, brushing away the soft tendrils that framed it. Soon they were engaged in a very long kiss. He had been totally lost in it and almost forgot that he also needed to breathe. Reluctantly, he leaned back stopping the kiss, needing to catch his breath again, and grinned widely at her. She gently put her fingers to her lips and touched them in awe.

"Wow… god you're a good kisser." She remarked with a gentle smile playing across her lips. He looked into her eyes with the same goofy grin on his face.

"You know they say actions speak louder than words, right?" She laughed.

"And I do agree." He gave her a pleading look.

"So… that does mean that you're not going to use that picture as blackmail on me are you?" She giggled and pushed him playfully.

"We'll see about that one… but for now back to our original topic. Link, I'm teaching you how to cook." He rolled his eyes.

"I tell you I'll burn down the house if you make me cook."

She giggled once more. "And _I _tell you you'll just have to build it back up if that happens." She quickly got up and walked over to get some pots and pans. Link followed closely behind. She smiled.

_'I know exactly what happened to Ben and Mary,' _She thought, _'they lived happily ever after.'_

---

**A few weeks later…**

Ingo swore. Once again he was stuck cleaning up the whole ranch and taking care of all the animals inside because, once again, Talon was too lazy to do anything, and that nasty wench Malon had run off with her disgusting lover Link. He snorted. Someday… someday soon he would show them. Ha—if they thought they could do this to the great Ingo than they were wrong! He'd show them…

As he became lost in thought, he accidentally knocked over a beautiful flower vase that he had been dusting off inside Malon's room. He groaned. Just his luck. Now Malon was going to torture him for the rest of the night for breaking it. He began to pick up the small pieces to throw them away and then, out of the corner of his eye he saw something that had been under it. Picking it up he realized that it was a picture, but of who? He didn't care if he was invading the girl's privacy, let it be. He turned over the picture… and nearly died.

Holy crap! This picture was of Link… and… was he doing what he thought he was? Wow, this was too good an opportunity to let slip by. He knew he shouldn't have but he couldn't pass up a chance. What was our dear Ingo going to use this as you ask?

"Blackmail…"

---

And that's a wrap! Dear, what could Ingo be plotting? And what could that picture be of? Ha, you will never know! Anyway this story was extremely fun for me to write so I hope most of you guys enjoyed it :) If not then I enjoy constructive criticism rather than flaming. Thank you guys! Oh yeah, heh, sorry for all the bad language too… me and my potty mouth --'

REVIEW!

::_chel bel_::


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